Random

I know I havent posted in a few days. I'm trying to get in some extra time with Ryan. My new work schedule is making him clingy, whiney and just all out aggravative so i've spent the last few days playing nintendo with him when I'm not working.

Work has been going well. No troubles with the tills. Just my usual every day battle with the milkshake machine which I have come to loathe. Its just too much work. And a major pain in the ass.

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At my door the leaves are falling
A cold wild wind has come
Sweethearts walk by together
And I still miss someone

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You know its amazing how some things can hit you out of the blue. I mean its been 5 months now, and I still find myself being stuck sometimes with this I dunno, emptiness where he used to be. Its depressing. And I know its natural. I just don't like this lack of control over my feelings etc. I don't.

I was playing nintendo last night. Zelda actually, trying to beat a castle for Ryan when out of the blue he just popped into my head. And since then hes been on and off my mind all night. Hell I was even dreaming about him last night which I still do every now and then, just not as often. I guess as result I just really miss him today. Which is funny, because it isn't like we ended off on a happy note or anything. There was alot of #@!%ed up bs. But there it is. I miss him. And I still feel as though there is something missing at times. Other times I'm just much too busy to think of it. Funnier is that the fact that none of my dreams of him are of the bad times. They're of closeness and intimacy we once shared. And I think I miss that the most. Ah well. Life goes on. Or so it would seem.

I think thats enough of my whining for one morning.

Ciao
-J