i'm not crazy

i'm just a little unwell..or at least thats what i prefer to believe anyway

blah...i really don't want to work today...i want to sleep and go back to my dreamings of two nights ago..i tried to dream it again last night but it didn't work and everything was fubar...

you ever have the kind of dreams which evoke a sense of familiarity? I do. Or at least the more vivid ones do. And it sits in my subconcious all day long.

I had this one two nights ago where I was with the guy, and there was sort of fantasy type deal to it. I don't know how else to describe it. There we were though, he and I, himself being some form of magician/wizard/ whatever and the others being reincarnated elements in the guise of humans. He was going to cast this spell or whatever and draw out their elemental forces/deities/souls ..again..I don't know how to describe it and I was clinging to him begging him not to because I just -knew- he was going to be hurt. And thats the image I'm left with in my head for two days. Him and I just standing there with our arms wrapped around eachother. And the sense of belonging it creates in me. And I crave it and at the same time I hate it because, well, it reminds me of how hideously single I am - although its mostly by choice or rather the lack there of- and how I miss that companionship.

I remember that feeling all too well..and well..if you know me..you know from when and with whom and we wont discuss that because well, lets just say it'll worsen my already blah state of mind..

Last night I was restless because in my need to recreate the other dream I ended up jumbling images in my head and well, none of them made sense. But I'm sitting here two days later with that same feeling today. Oh well, life goes on.

In essense today finds me irritable, tired, lethargic and depressed. Yet I'm suppose to go to work, manage a bunch of teenages I'd rather hang most of the time and try to muddle through the night.

Did I mention I don't have any time off this week? Nice eh?

So this is the whine for the day, I'm hoping by the time bed time comes I'll be so worn out that I wont dream, or if I do I wont remember it. It's the ones I remember that make me crazy, the ones I leave behind with the night at sunrise well, they become what they should be..just a figment of my overactive imagination..

Ciao
-J