I dont want to go to work today mom

So week of closing and I'm thoroughly wiped out. Last night was crazy insane. As soon as our extras left it was stupid. Busy busy until 9pm giving me and the students working with me an hour to get everything done and I only wish I could say it was interruption free.

I got home pretty late last night because my cook forgot to close our roof hatch - its a ventalation system we put into use during the summer, we open what would look like an attic door from the ceiling and put a removable screen up. Anyway, its really badly arranged because the ladder leans one way and the crank to close it is on the opposite side - and for all of those who are scared of heights -coughs- reaching across a ladder is not a good thing..Anyway I needed to call the manager in to close it but then our night time cleaner came in and closed it for me..but it was almost 11:30 by the time i got in and then near 12 when I got to bed and I was woken up this morning at 7am.

I had a really good dream last night too. Not the usual kind where theres all these wierd symbolic things like wizards etc..but just a simple really good dream ..involving someone I know..and I really did not want to wake up from it..bah humbug!

Ah well, 2 more days and then I have a day to chill and after that 8 more days of work and then VACATION!!!!! YAY!!

I think thats all my senseless rambling for today.

Ciao
-J

My life is a cartoon

and my dreams are the stuff books are made of..

Well sort of..I watched this cartoon - japanese anime style- with my dad and ryan the other night. And its kinna skeery how the theme or more specifically one character in the cartoon resembles moi.

The cartoon was "Howls Moving Castle" and I of course would have to be the young 18 year old Sophie. Except that I'm not 18. With the acception that I am neither 18 nor all that young. LOL.

Anyway, the character is young female whose accepted the fact that shes not going to find herself happily married and devotes herself to job when she meets howl. Now accept for the fact that I will probably not ever find myself swept off my feet by dashing young wizard of questionable repution .. Thats pretty much me in a nutshell, well accept that her excuse is her age - which I find funny because seriously, 18? bah try being 26! No, instead its my lack of a social life which is at fault here. Somewhere between working as much as I do and having to devote my free time to my son Ryan, I don't have time for romance.

Its just strange finding such...erm..how to put it..familiarity in a cartoon..I don't know its like reading a true life story that finds some form kinship or truth in your own life or something..I forget the phrase that was used to describe it..

Its also confirmed for me the fact that maybe Dad's right and I should write books. Seriously. I think what did it is it bears a striking resemblance to a dream i had no too long ago, i believe i posted it here and it was a little strange.

The reason I say my dad thinks I should write books is because I keep having these really exceptionally strange dreams that would make a great plot for horror novel etc. I had one years back about a little boy in a hospice of some sort who was deathly ill and since he'd been in the hospice all his life he developed an imaginary freind. Unfortunately because of his lack of social interraction and inability to enjoy his youth he became bitter and as he did the imaginary friend developed a life of his own and started feeding off the boys anger and started killing off any other children who came around..thats exhibit A..now tell me does that not have Stephen King written all over it..

The dream I had happened to mention to him was one of my sister Tammy being pregnant but the baby had some form of health problem or something and the community she lived in had this twisted notion of spartanism where any child with defect was killed because they wanted to raise the children to take care of them and obviously a child who has any form of mental disability would not be able to do that..

There are other stranger ones I've had and to some extent I agree. I could write books off these accept my limitted ability to remember anything other than a basic description of these dreams and my inability to write anything resembling a decent subplot would interfere..

And now I have a dream and weeks later watch a cartoon which is almost identical to it, when I've never seen it before..

Strange..And yes for those of you asking.. I probably should up my medication..

-ciao
J

i'm not crazy

i'm just a little unwell..or at least thats what i prefer to believe anyway

blah...i really don't want to work today...i want to sleep and go back to my dreamings of two nights ago..i tried to dream it again last night but it didn't work and everything was fubar...

you ever have the kind of dreams which evoke a sense of familiarity? I do. Or at least the more vivid ones do. And it sits in my subconcious all day long.

I had this one two nights ago where I was with the guy, and there was sort of fantasy type deal to it. I don't know how else to describe it. There we were though, he and I, himself being some form of magician/wizard/ whatever and the others being reincarnated elements in the guise of humans. He was going to cast this spell or whatever and draw out their elemental forces/deities/souls ..again..I don't know how to describe it and I was clinging to him begging him not to because I just -knew- he was going to be hurt. And thats the image I'm left with in my head for two days. Him and I just standing there with our arms wrapped around eachother. And the sense of belonging it creates in me. And I crave it and at the same time I hate it because, well, it reminds me of how hideously single I am - although its mostly by choice or rather the lack there of- and how I miss that companionship.

I remember that feeling all too well..and well..if you know me..you know from when and with whom and we wont discuss that because well, lets just say it'll worsen my already blah state of mind..

Last night I was restless because in my need to recreate the other dream I ended up jumbling images in my head and well, none of them made sense. But I'm sitting here two days later with that same feeling today. Oh well, life goes on.

In essense today finds me irritable, tired, lethargic and depressed. Yet I'm suppose to go to work, manage a bunch of teenages I'd rather hang most of the time and try to muddle through the night.

Did I mention I don't have any time off this week? Nice eh?

So this is the whine for the day, I'm hoping by the time bed time comes I'll be so worn out that I wont dream, or if I do I wont remember it. It's the ones I remember that make me crazy, the ones I leave behind with the night at sunrise well, they become what they should be..just a figment of my overactive imagination..

Ciao
-J