-insert witty, intellegent, and fitting title here-
Its been too long since I've written in this dumb thing. -lol- But I've been busy and just not had anything important to write. Mostly working myself into an early grave pretty much, but oh well, money is money and everylittle bit helps.
Every now and then I find myself thinkin of Nic again and while its not exactly unwelcome its strange. When he was still around it was easier to let things slide and just move on with my life, and now that hes gone I think about him and even miss him more than I did while he was alive.
I still find it hard to talk about it. I hardly do actually because its simpler not to. And it goes with everything else I believe about Death. Theres nothing you can do to change it, you cry, rage and shut yourself away for ever but there isnt anything you can do to bring them back - no matter how much you want to.
I keep finding myself remembering all the good times we had and laughs we shared. I really miss those sometimes. And I look at ryan and it kind of tears up me inside, all over again, about how he has to go through his life without knowing the side of his dad that we all did.
Anyway, I'ma switch topic here before I work myself into another glum state of mind.
Work is going well..sorta..I kinna botched up a shipment we received last week..but he came in with the stuff while we were busy and had already started unloading so I was trying to check off what he was bringing and what he had already brought in at the same time..last night sucked..I thought I'd never get out of there. 12-10 is such a long ass shift it just drags..makes me wanna cry almost lol..
On the upside I managed to relieve myself of a tantrum throwing 40 y.o - Go Me!! And the restaurant is a bettah place without him. Now all I needa do is kick some little'un butts into gear. I'm so tired of hearing about really, "we do more work than they do...I do more work than they do" - how bout we stop the whining and just get the job done? I mean really!!
Ryan's turning 4 in two weeks and then he goes to school in sept. Man that depresses me. He's getting so big so fast, and I get to miss it all because I'll be working my tush off so he and I can live decently. Well not comfortably but the bills will be paid, food will be provided and he'll have clothes on his back heh. I keep looking at his pictures from when he was smaller and it makes me weepy almost. I miss having my ten lb baby to lug around and cuddle up on. I mean hes still just as affectionate but only on his time. How sweet is that? And I know when school comes and he starts building himself a social circle it'll all change. I guess now I know how my dad feels knowing that his kids don't need him as much as they used to. Bah being a parent sucks sometimes. I don't wan't him to grow up.
He acts alot like Nic too sometimes. Which is nice to see but there are some traits I think he could do without. Hes got a fast temper and is easily frusterated, and angry boy is he angry. I've been trying to help him curb that though, so that hes not so emotional. I'm trying to teach him to think before he acts. And to use his words to express his feelings instead of throwing things and hitting things. I guess that inspite of his intelligence I just have to remind myself that he is only three, but I'd like him to get a control on that before school. He has a bad habit of hitting and all those other nasty things little ones like to do when they're upset. And I don't want him being sent home for it.
Anyway, as you can see its pretty random heh. I've only been awake for an hour and half and I still have a 10 hr day ahead of me. Catch ya'll on the flip side.
Ciao
-J
Every now and then I find myself thinkin of Nic again and while its not exactly unwelcome its strange. When he was still around it was easier to let things slide and just move on with my life, and now that hes gone I think about him and even miss him more than I did while he was alive.
I still find it hard to talk about it. I hardly do actually because its simpler not to. And it goes with everything else I believe about Death. Theres nothing you can do to change it, you cry, rage and shut yourself away for ever but there isnt anything you can do to bring them back - no matter how much you want to.
I keep finding myself remembering all the good times we had and laughs we shared. I really miss those sometimes. And I look at ryan and it kind of tears up me inside, all over again, about how he has to go through his life without knowing the side of his dad that we all did.
Anyway, I'ma switch topic here before I work myself into another glum state of mind.
Work is going well..sorta..I kinna botched up a shipment we received last week..but he came in with the stuff while we were busy and had already started unloading so I was trying to check off what he was bringing and what he had already brought in at the same time..last night sucked..I thought I'd never get out of there. 12-10 is such a long ass shift it just drags..makes me wanna cry almost lol..
On the upside I managed to relieve myself of a tantrum throwing 40 y.o - Go Me!! And the restaurant is a bettah place without him. Now all I needa do is kick some little'un butts into gear. I'm so tired of hearing about really, "we do more work than they do...I do more work than they do" - how bout we stop the whining and just get the job done? I mean really!!
Ryan's turning 4 in two weeks and then he goes to school in sept. Man that depresses me. He's getting so big so fast, and I get to miss it all because I'll be working my tush off so he and I can live decently. Well not comfortably but the bills will be paid, food will be provided and he'll have clothes on his back heh. I keep looking at his pictures from when he was smaller and it makes me weepy almost. I miss having my ten lb baby to lug around and cuddle up on. I mean hes still just as affectionate but only on his time. How sweet is that? And I know when school comes and he starts building himself a social circle it'll all change. I guess now I know how my dad feels knowing that his kids don't need him as much as they used to. Bah being a parent sucks sometimes. I don't wan't him to grow up.
He acts alot like Nic too sometimes. Which is nice to see but there are some traits I think he could do without. Hes got a fast temper and is easily frusterated, and angry boy is he angry. I've been trying to help him curb that though, so that hes not so emotional. I'm trying to teach him to think before he acts. And to use his words to express his feelings instead of throwing things and hitting things. I guess that inspite of his intelligence I just have to remind myself that he is only three, but I'd like him to get a control on that before school. He has a bad habit of hitting and all those other nasty things little ones like to do when they're upset. And I don't want him being sent home for it.
Anyway, as you can see its pretty random heh. I've only been awake for an hour and half and I still have a 10 hr day ahead of me. Catch ya'll on the flip side.
Ciao
-J
posted by that.joji.gurl. at
8:46 AM
0 Comments
