I think I need to raise my medication..

Last night was hell at work. It wasn't horrible in the sense of chaotic, but rather in the sense that there just didnt seem to be enough time to get anything done. I was there until 10:50 pm and not in bed until around 12:30 and up 7 hrs later. I know 7 hours is alot more than most get but when theres a three year old shoving you out of your bed at 4am and on its not pleasant.

Not only that but I had the strangest dream last night. I dreamt I was here at home and we got invaded by some backwards russian/german country. Its the only way I can think of to describe them. But they brought us all captive to this damn near third world empoverished country where everything we ate and bought and to be monitored and shared out equally. Can we say communist? Anyway Ryan was starving and I was screaming at them because he wasn't getting his nourishment and everything they wouldnt let me see him, they just let him cry and it was breaking my heart.

-Until-

done done done. This guy, hell I don't even remember his face, but I knew him in the dream and we were close came over, took Ryan and I back here to Canada and even changed our identities and everything so we couldnt be hunted down and brought back to that other country.

Romance ensued.

Cheezey huh. What bothers me the most is not so much the theme but the remembrance of having my son cry for me and not being able to help him and that intimate feeling I experienced with the nameless faceless hero. You know how you just -click- and everything just feels right? T'is odd. But then again, so am I heh.

==========
And now a song thats been runnin through my head, that I've been roughly trying to put together with little luck..
==========

I've been trying to tell you something,
Can you hear me?
If you'd listen you'd see
exactly what I'm saying.

Without words I tell you every day
Just what you mean to me,
In all the little things I,
In about a million ways.
And if you could just hear me out
I know that you'd see
the one that you've been searching for
is here.
It's me.

I know you're feeling soul weary
and your tired has grown tired
of playing all these foolish games
that love plays with the heart,
Baby, I can be a place of rest,
Be anything you need.
I've been here all along,
I just wish that you could see.

Without words I tell you every day
Just what you mean to me,
In all the little things I do,
In about a million ways.
And if you could just hear me out
I know that you'd see
the one that you've been searching for
is here.
It's me.

Without words I tell you every day
Just what you mean to me,
In all the little things I,
In about a million ways.
And if you could just hear me out
I know that you'd see
the one that you've been searching for
is here.
It's me.

========

Bah so its not exactly how I wanted, actually it was a lot better a few days ago really when it was fresh in my mind but I do like the wording of the first verse bettah

Randomness

Well, I went to bed last night and Ryan stayed at my sisters. I think I almost cried. Sad isn't it? I mean seriously, I should have been relieved. And I did sleep well. But I think I get a little paranoid when hes not home and I miss him too much. It started in september when we were planning our visit I had fears of his dad taking him from me. And I guess I've never really shaken the fear that I'd lose him somehow. I pray everytime we travel for a safe flight. And Deep down its because I know that Ryan is the center of my world, he gives my life meaning, gives me something to live for and keeps me centered. And I know I'd fall apart were it not for him. So its scary sometimes. I love my little boy.

I had this running through my head yesterday, its a remake of an oldie but it fits how I feel lately and I have always loved this song, later if I can piece it together right I may post something I wrote myself. But for now, this is all ya get.
--------------------------

Genre/Lang. : R'n'B
Tony Sunshine:

Yea Yo Tony Sunshine Lumidee

Lumidee:
Listen baby I’ve been around
I know that you like how I wear my crown
I know that I'm sumthing' that's so profound
So far what I'm hearin' look I like the sound
Everybody's talkin' about it
We could be talkin' why would u doubt it
Ya palms are sweaty and ya heart starts poundin'
This is what yuh feelin' Tell meh about it !

Tony Sunshine: She's like the wind Thru my trees (baby yea. baby yea)
She rides at night Next to me Like u won’t believe (No)
She leads me thru moonlight Only to burn me wit the sun
Damn it I believe she knows She's takin' my heart
She doesn’t know what she's done
Baby please I feel her breath in my face (baby I can feel)
Her body close to me (her body close to me)
Can’t look in her eyes (can’t look in your eyes)
She's outta my league (she's outta my league, oh)
Just a fool to believe
She got everything I need She's like the wind

Lumidee:

If u can't conceive with nothing
Cause u just let it be its nothing
Look we just hangin' around
Sneakin' a look
When I can just put you down

Tony Sunshine: Girl I look in the mirror (what u see what u see)
And all I see (tell me what u see girl, tell u I can feel this baby)
Is a hell of a man with only a dream (ooo oh oh)
Am I just foolin' myself (yea)
Thinkin' she'll stop the pain (yes she will yes she will)
Livin' without her I'd go insane
Damn it I believe she knows
I Feel her breath on my face (baby I can feel)
Her body close to me (her body close, yes I do)
Can't look in her eyes (can't look in her eyes)
She's outta of my league (she's outta my league, oh)
Just a fool to believe She got everything I need
She's like the wind

Lumidee:
Look I’m right hea Come on toughen up
Boo get it togetha and just try ya luck
Eva since I heard that u got this little crush
I Pass ya way and it's givin' me a rush
So I peeped ya style Yes I’m impressed
Always wit the best Put dem otha dudes to rest
So u ain't got to stress cuz I got what ya need
I could ease ya pain and fulfill all ya dreams

Tony: Just a fool to believe She got everything I need (take dat)
I feel her breath in my face
Her body close to me (clap yo hands)
Can’t look in her eyes, no (yea)
She’s outta my league (move)
Just a fool to believe (Move)
She got everything I need
She’s like the wind

Lumidee: (Repeat 2x)
If u can't conceive with nothing
Cause u just let it be it's nothing
Look we just hangin' around
Sneakin' a look
When I can just put you down

Tony: Move Tony Sunshine Yea Take dat She’s like the wind

New layout

Well, here we go with a whole new layout. W00t. Its a little darker than I usually go but I have to admit the artist was inspired. I just wish I could say that artist is me. Sorry for Inconvenience for those readers of mine. The few that there be. Click on the x's to navigate.

I'll catch ya on the flip side.

Ciao.
-J

Weekend Binges, Hang overs and other Random thoughts

So this weekend I went out and tied on a good one. Or rather as it ended up a bad one. I never want to be that sick again. I forgot how nasty rye was coming back up. I came in at 1am and I think was up until 1:30 am getting sick and balling my eyes out in the bathroom - sad. Very very sad.

But I think I've been bottling alot since the last year. I mean I tried to vent it hear but when I look back on it it just barely touches anything and I still have a hard time discussing it. If you don't know what 'it' is, then you havent been reading this enough heh.

So yeah, alot tired. And more than a little embarrassed.

Last night at work was sweet. Inspite of my discontent at the weathers need to thwart my happiness. Why is that every time I say "hey look the snow melting/completely gone/yay sunshine" it immediately becomes over cast and starts snowing? Dammit where is my sunshine!! Anyway, I managed to be out at 9:40 last night instead of my usual nearish 10pm and was completely happy to be home before 10:30.

The South beach thing and I are not working out very well, so umm... Yesh I guess its just me not eating fatty stuff. I cut potatoes out of my diet. I rarely eat pasta and I stick to whole/multigrain breads. I need more exercise though but the weather keeps on thwarting me!! -shakes fist- Happily I've managed to lose 5 lbs though WHEE!! I just need to stay away from my temptations at work.

And I think thats pretty much it.

Ciao.
-J

Random

I know I havent posted in a few days. I'm trying to get in some extra time with Ryan. My new work schedule is making him clingy, whiney and just all out aggravative so i've spent the last few days playing nintendo with him when I'm not working.

Work has been going well. No troubles with the tills. Just my usual every day battle with the milkshake machine which I have come to loathe. Its just too much work. And a major pain in the ass.

========================

At my door the leaves are falling
A cold wild wind has come
Sweethearts walk by together
And I still miss someone

========================

You know its amazing how some things can hit you out of the blue. I mean its been 5 months now, and I still find myself being stuck sometimes with this I dunno, emptiness where he used to be. Its depressing. And I know its natural. I just don't like this lack of control over my feelings etc. I don't.

I was playing nintendo last night. Zelda actually, trying to beat a castle for Ryan when out of the blue he just popped into my head. And since then hes been on and off my mind all night. Hell I was even dreaming about him last night which I still do every now and then, just not as often. I guess as result I just really miss him today. Which is funny, because it isn't like we ended off on a happy note or anything. There was alot of #@!%ed up bs. But there it is. I miss him. And I still feel as though there is something missing at times. Other times I'm just much too busy to think of it. Funnier is that the fact that none of my dreams of him are of the bad times. They're of closeness and intimacy we once shared. And I think I miss that the most. Ah well. Life goes on. Or so it would seem.

I think thats enough of my whining for one morning.

Ciao
-J

someone have a cure for blondes disease?

I wrote down 20x24=280. So yeah thats why my till was out. Do I feel stupid? Yes I do.

for whom doth the bell toll?

Last night was bad. On a scale of 1 to 10 it was a 12 at the very least.

I started out with a good vibe last night. I counted my first till and it wasn't even missing a penny. I counted the second one and it was missing about 2000 pennies. or rather 200 dollars. Which freaked me out.

When I close the register at night, I do a report off the cash which gives a tally for the sales. Then I take it to the back for counting. So when I fill out my till sheet I should have 2 hundred over what the sales slip says because we start with a 200 dollar float. SO I count everything out and then I look to see what our net sales for the evening on that register were. They were 700 and some odd dollars so when I'm done counting up debit slips, cash and coin I should have somewhere a little over 900. Then I subtract the two hundred what I have left should be the equivalent to our net sales. Unfortunately, last night this was not the case. Net sales=765$, total cash (debit receipts, coin and all bills included)=764 and some odd cents. So this leaves me with the question of - where is my float? If I take the float from my subtotal I'm left 200 short for my deposit. If you take the full deposit you have an empty register drawer.

That was the major thing.

The other thing was the shake machine. Its new and a pain in the ass to clean. A very big pain in the ass to clean. If the machine is too low on milkshake mix you can't empty at night because it wont pour out the mix. It shuts off. But yet I have to keep this low this time of year of because we really dont sell that much of it. Ugh . Lets just say - Annoying.

So anyway I counted up my drive thru register and its almost flawless. It was the last till for the night and only short by like 55 cents. So I'm left to figure out what happened to my float for the first one again. Needless to say I didnt. Simply because I couldnt. I left everything as is for doug who is going to come in and fix it up in the am.

In the meantime, I feel super inadequate again. And it depresses me. I just hope the boss doesnt feel that way, because I really can do this job. And better than that I really like it too.

-hangs head-

I think thats all for the day.

-Ciao

swimmingly

Yay for no battles with the evil register monster. I forgot to void one item last night but they still balanced out pretty nicely.

Its snowing. Again. -crosses fingers- maybe if it slows the business down Doug will let me close early.

Yay for two days off after today. I so need sleep.

That is all.